When most people hear the word trauma, they think of something catastrophic—a car accident, a natural disaster, assault, violent crime, or abuse. And yes, those experiences can be traumatic. But trauma is far more nuanced and widespread than we’ve been taught to believe.
As Dr. Gabor Maté, a physician and trauma expert, often says, “Trauma is not what happens to you. It’s what happens inside you as a result of what happens to you.” This understanding shifts the conversation entirely. Trauma isn’t the external event—it’s the internal wound. Often, it’s not caused by dramatic, headline-worthy moments but by the subtle, everyday ways we were left alone with our pain or had to suppress our true selves to survive.
Trauma is Disconnection
Trauma happens when we are overwhelmed—physically, emotionally, or spiritually—and we don’t have the internal or external resources to process what’s happening. In those moments, our nervous system does what it’s designed to do: it protects us. We might shut down, numb out, get anxious, or become hyper-alert. We often adapt brilliantly to unsafe or chaotic situations or when we feel left alone.
But the price of those adaptations is disconnection: from our emotions, our bodies, our authenticity, and our sense of wholeness. That’s the essence of trauma. Not just pain, but disconnection.
And here’s where things get even more interesting. Many people carry trauma without even realizing it. If you’ve ever wondered why you feel anxious in certain relationships, why you struggle to set boundaries, or why you can’t shake a deep sense of unworthiness, you may be dealing with unresolved trauma. Not necessarily from what happened, but from what was missing when you needed it most.
Trauma Isn’t Just About Big Events
In the world of trauma healing, we sometimes talk about “Big T” and “Little t” traumas. Big T traumas are the obvious ones: war, violence, accidents. But “little t” traumas can be just as impactful over time. They include things like:
- Being shamed for expressing your emotions
- Feeling unseen or unheard as a child
- Having to parent your parent
- Growing up in a household where perfection was expected and mistakes weren’t safe
These experiences may seem subtle, but they shape how we relate to ourselves and others. They teach us, often unconsciously, that we have to contort ourselves to be loved or safe, that we are not okay, that we are either too much or not enough, that our needs are a burden, and that our authentic self is somehow wrong.
The Body Remembers
One of the most profound insights in trauma healing is that trauma lives in the body, not just in our thoughts or memories. It shows up in tight shoulders, shallow breathing, chronic illness, digestive issues, or a vague sense of unease that we can’t quite name. You might think you’ve “moved on,” but your nervous system is still stuck in a loop of protection.
That’s why healing trauma isn’t just about talking about the past. It’s about reconnecting with our bodies, our emotions, and our stories with a sense of safety and compassion.
Compassionate Inquiry: A Path Toward Wholeness
In my practice, I use Compassionate Inquiry, a psychotherapeutic approach developed by Dr. Gabor Maté. It’s a gentle yet powerful modality that helps clients uncover the unconscious beliefs and adaptations that keep them stuck. Together, we explore the layers beneath behavior and symptoms, not to pathologize but to understand. With curiosity and compassion, we make space for the parts of you that had to go underground to survive.
This is not about fixing you because you’re not broken. It’s about helping you return to who you were before the world taught you to hide.
Compassionate Inquiry works at the pace of safety. We don’t push. We don’t force. We get curious. We ask: What’s really going on underneath this reaction? What did you have to give up in yourself to feel accepted? What are you still protecting yourself from, and is it safe to let that go now?
Through this process, people begin to feel more connected to their truth, their bodies, and their aliveness. The goal isn’t perfection; it’s integration.
You Are Not Alone
If any of this resonates, and if you’ve ever felt like something is “off” but can’t quite name it or you’re repeating the same patterns despite your best efforts, you are not alone. And more importantly, you’re not beyond healing.
The residue of trauma doesn’t have to define you. It’s possible to live from a place of authenticity rather than protection. It’s possible to feel safe in your body. Remembering who you are underneath all the roles and masks is possible.
Healing isn’t always easy, but it’s profoundly worth it. And you don’t have to do it alone.
Feel free to reach out if you’re curious about Compassionate Inquiry. I offer a warm, nonjudgmental space where all parts of you are welcome.